Beginning Of An Ending

It’s been awhile since you started to notice me again. Since you started talking to me again after ignoring and avoiding me for a long while and for the second time. It has been 20 straight days that we chat via text or online. 

I believe it needs to be 21 consecutive days before your body will get used to it and do it routinely (like body clock) and I believe that I still have a day left for that, but you, you were able to penetrate into the system after a couple of days. I hate it. I hate you. You are like a drug now or a habit I can’t resist. It became regular, I know when you’ll send a message and you know when I am pissed. Sometimes, You know the words to say. Sometimes I want you to say it, I want to ask, but I get scared.

I am still confused AF about what I feel. I don’t understand it but I want this to stop. I am already in a high and I know that if this continue, the more I will be hurt if I find out you are not and you don’t feel the same. I am fond of you, yet your presence every time gives me butterflies in my stomach. I doubted my preferences because of you. 

For the first couple of days, I am just enjoying everything. All is well, they say. You said something and the ‘overthinking’ button was turned on. Now, everything makes me wonder. Everything is a puzzle piece that juggles. I don’t understand. I want to understand. I want to ask but I know I am not ready for the answer, whatever it is. I wish that you will just ignore me again so that I don’t need to find a reason to keep myself away from you without letting you know.

Thank you for the days that you made me smile and became my inspiration. 

Probably, this has to end. Let us just leave the questions unanswered. Sometimes, things don’t go the way we want it to be. Not everything we imagine in our heads will become a reality. It’s okay. I will be okay. Space will help. Time will.

Everything is a blur right now. 


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