Inhale.. Exhale

This is from the deepest part of my heart. I don’t understand why. I don’t understand how. I am in that point of wanting to just laugh at it and move on and venting it all out. *Deep sigh*

Lord, please please I am begging you please grant me patience, more patience. Grant me peace. Grant me the will to understand what’s going on. I believe that I can survive this and all will be fine later on. I know. I want to hold onto that.

I’ve been working, all of my money goes to mama’s medicines, utilities, my personal bills (phone and internet), a little to my allowance. I can’t go out that much. I wanted to buy stuff but I can’t. I am not complaining, sort of. I just want to think that maybe I am just tired of this entire circus. I have already accepted that my brother don’t care about the expenses, I had asked him a couple of times but still the same response so I stopped asking. My sister who’s been working almost 24/7 give sometimes, spend sometimes, little. I still don’t know the answer why, when I needed help the most with the expenses, she doesn’t have money. I am wondering, how much she earns with all the “raket” she do plus her regular work. (Forgive me, I just need to have an outlet or else I’m gonna burst). I’ve been trying to ask from her less now than before as I get disappointed and it hurt so much. so so much. Kasi, she’s the one pa who’s galit. I am trying to understand that maybe she’s pressured or she’s tired or stressed, but I too am stressed, I am also tired.

To all the angels, saints, Gods and Goddesses, please take all the pain in my heart away. Clear my mind. Give me the courage to go on. Thank you.

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